It’s only been a short time since my last update but I promised a review of the Prison Break finale and I deliver.

I would definitely say right off the bat that I enjoyed it and I’m glad to have been a part of the series. But I would definitely say a firm ‘what the hell?’ to the finale. The one sure thing I’ve noticed throughout the entire series is its intelligence, master use of surprise, insane twists and its accuracy. Which surprised me immensely when Michael was knocked off in the last episode supposedly by ‘Electrocution’.

Problem 1: the two cables Michael ripped from the generator would have been insulated in plastic which doesn’t conduct, the copper wiring carrying the electric current, so even though Michael was holding the two cables with his bare hands - surely he wouldn’t have been electrocuted unless he had been touching the copper wire (which he wouldn’t have done, because he would know not to because of the danger of an electric shock)

So in theory, Sara could have opened the door while he interfered with the generator, then she held the door open - while he ran for the door - then they both escape.


Problem 2: if Michael did get electrocuted for some bullshit reason (because it was the only way to open the door) and in order to complete the circuit the current needed to travel through Michael in order for the circuit to be completed, then why Sara being a Doctor. Would she not realise that if Michael was electrocuted all she had to do was knock the cables out of his hands (so she wouldn’t get a shock if they were still ‘live’ and then perform CPR on him and then drag him outside to the others. Or just drag him to the others and then do CPR on him while driving off to safety (as he has a good 3 mins before the lack of oxygen to the brain gives you brain damage).


Problem 3: why didn’t the prison staff, cops or FBI agents call for an ambulance or perform CPR on Michael after making the scene safe. Surely if they broke through the door soon after Sara escaped, they would have been able to saved Michaels life.

OK so if the voltage from the generator was high enough it would kill you instantly - frying your internal organs and brain so intensely that you wouldn’t survive and clearly Michael realised that if something went wrong he would clearly sacrifice himself for the woman he loved and his unborn child (knowing full well his tumour was coming back or wasn’t cured - indicated by the blood report and the nosebleed he had at the governors office (when she refused to move Sara to another prison).


But then I guess they could explain it by just saying the tumour killed him just after he touched the wires or it influenced him in some way that he’d die when he touched the wires or something but I’m not so sure. Overall I would call prison break one of the greatest TV series I’ve ever seen and I’m glad it ended before it turned really crap and it left on a high note. Though I am still surprised on where it came out- you start by going into prison to save your buddy from execution and it ends up with Michael dead in Miami prison, Sara and Lincoln floating away of a boat with Michaels unborn child and surprisingly (considering what happened) everyone gets a happy ending and an invisible organisation no one knew about collapses.




Next- anyone readying my previous journal will have read my review of Stormrise up to a point. Well now that I’ve finished the game I think I’ll take this opportunity to tear it apart completely.

The main thing I thing I’d like to rip into is the Characters. Annoyingly because of the true bollocking the game has received so far the actors in the game aren’t listed anywhere in the internet- a few of them are but not any of the ones I was interested in. The voice actor for Sable was actually quite impressive- the suggestive quirk and banter throughout the game was very entertaining to watch, and I managed to determine quite a lot about their characters even from the short transmissions throughout the game. The actress for Vantage however was really annoying- her attempt at seductive banter sounded really forced and scripted.

But that’s not the real bollocking I have for her- the real shit pipe is the fact that they’re constantly switching sides throughout the entire game- first she’s working for the Echelon but is secretly defecting to the Sai, then she joins the Sai and fights the Echelon, then she returns to the Echelon and kills the Sai, then she stays with the Echelon but decides to help the Sai (but only the ones that don’t look at her funny, then she kills other members of the Echelon (but only those who don’t follow her every word) with your character just chasing after her like a fat kid chasing a sausage on a stick. And every time the other side welcomes you back with open arms even though 5 minutes ago you just spent your entire time shooting the hell out of them, crippling their operations and dooming their existence.

For those of you who couldn’t follow that let me give you an example- in the second to last mission one of the other Echelon commanders (the side you’re on this time) has gone slightly trigger happy and is blasting apart the Sai defences in your way- you’d be jumping for joy wouldn’t you? Your jobs about to be done for you. Well no! Instead you decide to travel to Mount Doom and back to activate some dormant AA turrets and shoot the guy down. Why? He’s flying an immensely powerful ship (of only 2 you see- the other one you have) and he’s blasting his way through legions of Sai (who are actually guarding your worst enemy and who if you don’t get past will destroy the world) and instead you decide to kill one of your previous buddies who is doing the exact same job as you he’s just enjoying it a bit too much (I know I always say never trust anyone who enjoys their work too much but when your job involves piloting a flying fortress and shooting the hell out of things I’ll make an exception). I think we’ve just found a whole list of people suitable for Yhatzee’s ever expanding list of ‘otential insane partners for Lara Croft’.

Throughout the first half of the game I really enjoyed it- controls awkward but manageable, plot compelling, large variety of units, witty banter amusing but about ¾ of the way in my bullshit alarm went off like the strobe lights in a gay club (which I would know nothing about obviously) when they started talking about bringing a destroyed weather creator back from the past in an effort to recreate the apocalypse. The plot would have made far more sense if they had just simply said that the guys who blew them all up (they were all supposed to be destroyed- that’s why you’re bringing it forward) had just missed one hidden under a rock somewhere and instead all of the energy Meridian (That’s the ultimate bad guy) was using was to get the thing started. Instead they said it was to bring the thing back from the past so they could stop the apocalypse- they must have been doing some pretty heavy shit when they came up with that.

Now don’t let all this muck flinging fool you- I really enjoyed Stormrise. Aside from the crap controls that require a rather large training time to get round I found the story and gameplay really entertaining. No where near portal perfection or Saints Row 2 insanity but still good- and I urge all those reading this review to jump over to eBay and buy it cheap there because atleast it does something different, it experiments. Some may say it failed but that’s what experimentation is- maybe in the future we’ll see the Console/RTS divide finally filled- and maybe I finally learn how to shit pure Cadbury’s Cream eggs out of my arse.